Shut up and listen
“Today’s leader must prize the minds of people above all else” Nancy Kline
What would you say if I told you that everyone has the most powerful leadership tool readily at their disposal – and you don’t need an MBA or years of training to be brilliant at it? The most influential leaders engage us by making us feel that what we do matters and that they value our opinions. In short, they make us feel heard. If you’ve been lucky enough to experience this, it’s tempting to assume they are blessed with amazing leadership genes, but it’s much simpler than that: They’re just really good at listening. And being really good at listening is entirely different to kind of listening that is rife in the work place…where opinionated people are just waiting to speak (or worse - interrupting).
For an industry that often likes the sound of its own voice, it’s perhaps hard to swallow that good listeners are far more effective than good talkers. But how often do clients walk because their agency didn’t listen? How often do key relationships break down because one person doesn’t feel understood? Despite being in the business of creative communication, where engaging, inspiring and understanding people really matters, listening is perhaps the most under-used tool in the book.
There’s one thing that separates hearing from listening – and that’s attention. However, in the noise of our always-on digital lives, not to mention the endless clamour in our over-wrought heads, we all behave like we’ve got ADHD and there’s not a whole lot of real listening actually going on. No matter what we tell ourselves, we can never be truly present whilst texting or otherwise engaged with our digital media. Yet we all do it. We sit in meetings with one eye on our devices, and the other on our to do list, whilst we’re working out what we want to say next. If you’ve been on the receiving end of someone texting or talking over you, whilst you’re trying to make your point – you’ll know how frustrating and disrespectful it is. But somewhere down the line, it’s as though we all signed-up to this daily rudeness.
When storytelling was the primary way that our ancestors learned to know the world and share knowledge, it wasn’t just our ability to use language but our ability to listen deeply that enabled stories to be preserved and passed down through generations for thousands of years. But now we can rely on digital media to capture our every waking moment and our worlds are dominated by visual storytelling - what need do we have to listen so much? According to Justin Treasure in his TED talk, “5 Ways to Listen Better”, we retain just 25% of what we listen to because “the premium on accurate and careful listening has simply disappeared”. As Seth Horowitz, an auditory neuroscientist, alarmingly sums it up: “Listening is a skill we’re in danger of losing”.
Unfortunately, the stakes attached to this lost art of listening can be high; from bad business decisions, to disgruntled clients, to fobbed off employees – poor listening can at best lead to mistakes and misunderstandings and at worst can impact morale and damage commercially important relationships. Conversely, real and conscious listening shows you care, it enables mutual understanding and it fosters trust. Importantly, giving your team the freedom and space to explore their thinking aloud, without interrupting their chain of thought, will fire up their creativity and open the door to new possibilities. So, slowing down and paying attention, really can pay dividends. Whilst learning to shut up and listen may be tough for an industry that prides itself on its opinions, the following strategies might just help you to zip-it, when it really matters:
Don’t judge
When you listen actively or empathetically you do more than just listen to what’s being said but how it’s being said, and what someone’s body language is telling you about their emotional subtext. This type of listening requires us to suspend all judgement and biases and be present to what the other person has to say. When we judge, we have already stopped listening and we close ourselves off to new ideas. Whereas listening without trying to critique frees us up to engage in fresh thinking. It doesn’t mean that you have to agree with what’s being said, or that you can’t put forward an alternative point of view, but engaged listening allows the other person to clarify their thinking whilst allowing you to assimilate a different perspective. Paying attention in this way might just take you somewhere unexpected and new.
Make space
As anyone that leads a creative business knows, your time is rarely your own and creating space to give someone your full focus can be seriously hard to do. When your diary is wall-to-wall, then inevitable clock-watching and mentally prepping for your next meeting replace curiosity, at which point you might as well not be in the room. So, avoid the curse of the hour-long meeting, insist that they are shorter and more focused and always allow a buffer in between. That way you can be fully attentive for the time you’re there and know you have time to gather your thoughts before you move on to the next.
Hear everything
Only a small part of our communication comes from the actual words we use, the rest is made up of body language, tone of voice, pace, breathing and even silence and omissions. So often what people don’t say is far more revealing than what they do. It has even been suggested that when it comes to communicating attitudes and feelings that our words account for just 7% of what we convey. Just imagine how much more richness we’d get out of every encounter if we focussed a bit more on the other 93%. As Horowitz says, “The richness of life doesn’t lie in the loudness and the beat, but in the timbres and the variations that you can discern, if you simply pay attention.”
Stay curious
As Stephen Covey notes in his famous ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ we should, “seek first to understand and then be understood”. Actively listening for comprehension also requires asking the right questions to help aid mutual understanding and to get to common ground. A well-placed question can seek to clarify as much as it can respectfully challenge someone’s thinking and so is a critical part of enabling new ideas and great solutions to emerge. But to ask the right questions you have to listen carefully first. Remember, there’s brilliance in everyone if you only take the time to hear it.
Be present
Listening happens with our eyes as much as with our ears, so, obvious though it may sound, put down your phone, close your laptop and make eye contact. This doesn’t mean that you stare the speaker down, instead, relax and have your posture open and towards them, lean-in slightly, smile (if appropriate), nod, or make small verbal acknowledgements of what they are saying. All of these gestures demonstrate your full engagement and interest in what’s being said. When we listen actively in this way we signal to the other person that it’s safe to speak their minds and in doing so they can open up and do their best thinking. Imagine how much more productive and innovative our meetings would be if we always had as many focused and attentive minds in the room as we had bodies present. The industry just might be in a whole lot better shape.
The simple fact is nothing says ‘you matter’ more than undivided attention. Whereas interruption or disinterest, clearly says, ‘you don’t’. But paying attention takes time and commitment, so creating a culture that respects the value of listening has to come from the top. If you want your people to feel valued and inspired, then make them feel heard and you will reap the rewards of better collective learning, ideas and loyalty in return. Only by learning to truly listen will you give your team a voice and in doing so, you will unlock your most powerful resource. As Nancy Kline says in her book, ‘Time to Think’, about the transformative power of genuine attention: “Listen as if your leadership life depended on it. It does”.